I’m one of those parents who has tremendous guilt even talking about this topic. However, it felt liberating to listen to parents on a recent talk show discussing the trials of parenting. Many parents struggle with dissociating children from parenting. Parents become parents by virtue of having children, so how are they not inextricably linked?
Children are humans that come packaged with their own ways of being. Each of my three children has very distinct personalities. My sons have tastes that are as different from one another as my daughter has tastes and proclivities different from either of them. They are each special in their own way and I love them unconditionally.
Parenting, on the other hand, is a never-ending series of tasks. Changing diapers, nursing around the clock, seeking a childcare provider, deciding whether to teach your child to drive or enroll them in a course, chauffering, and the list goes on. By themselves, these tasks are mundane tasks required during the stages of a child’s life. What makes them particularly stressed is that they are often fraught with worry. As my children grow older, concerns about the quality of their education take even more time.
Although the recent NY Magazine cover story and talk show discussion sounds refreshing and new in many ways, this conversation has been happening much longer, but not so bluntly. I have overheard this conversation in the school settings where middle school students are going through parent boot camps as a course requirement. These mini-lessons, often embedded in the health class or life skills curriculum, usually give students some parenting practice with a doll that they must carry and care for on a 24-hour basis. The purpose of this exercise is to raise teens’ awareness of the responsibilities that come with parenthood. Another anticipated outcome of this curriculum is that it will help lower teen pregnancy rates.
So, what do you think? Can parents separate the love for their children from the act of parenting?